A research from 2021 shows that around 30% of dating adults have been victims of breadcrumbing in the last 12 months.
But what exactly is being breadcrumbed?
If you’re in the dating phase and holding on to the tiny bits of attention your significant other is giving, minus any consistency and commitment, buckle up because you might have been breadcrumbed.
Vagdevi Meunier, PsyD. explains that this correlates with online dating where it’s convenient for the other person to get someone hooked once in a while to keep them around with less trace of having empty intentions.
Breadcrumbing has various forms which differ in every relationship. While it usually occurs in “situationships” where a relationship is pressure-free, it also happens to married couples.
If you’re still puzzled by what this means, let me walk you through the habits of a breadcrumber.
These types of messages usually happen after some time with no contact to give you sparks of hope. They could be saying they want to see you again or they can’t stop thinking about you. However, it remains vague when your partner doesn’t have any concrete plans to actually spend time with you, which leaves you in a state of loneliness and helplessness. Sounds familiar?
Having to receive empty promises can be quite frustrating. A breadcrumber apologizes to keep you interested and then keeps you on standby. They also hint at making it up to you but it doesn’t ever happen. It is frequently followed by silence before the cycle repeats itself.
This shows up through their inconsistent availability toward you and keeping your interactions hazy instead of being fully present. They could avoid talking to you by claiming to be busy without any specific details or popping your notification with a dry text. They rarely take initiative and only shower you with attention because you encouraged it.
Do these ring a bell? Then, it’s no surprise if you’re feeling resentful. If you cracked the code of the crumbs, it might be best to move on and not exert effort on anyone raising these red flags.
PsychCentral says that low self-esteem, an insecure attachment, and dealing with mental health concerns can be factors as to why you are being breadcrumbed. You must acknowledge these behaviors and check if you also do the same.
If you’re resistant to setting boundaries and more likely to romanticize your relationships too much, then you are at a greater risk for breadcrumbing. Developing self-awareness is a great way to combat this, and it is also a must-have whether you’re in the dating scene or not.
However, if it’s genuinely an unconscious lack of communication, it’s okay to be direct and ask for closure. You have to be prepared for any answers though. Whatever their response is, you must assess if this relationship truly aligns with what you want.
At the end of the day, you must prioritize joy, support for your well-being, and make a conscious effort to change to end up with a great partner.
